Starting At The End And Working Backward

Since we're discussing a coming out experience I think it would make sense to start at the point of coming out and then go backward to figure out how I finally got there. I am sure what is going to be told will make me look like a cad, at best, but as I said earlier, there will be some soul-baring and it will be uncomfortable.

An accidental phone call was the catalyst for my coming out. At least it was explained to me as being as an accident. I think it was more passive-aggressive on both of our parts, but it does not matter at this point. I was still married and it was about six weeks after my nineteenth anniversary. I was, ironically (or appropriately), in one of our walk-in closets in the master bath talking on the phone with a guy I had been seeing for almost a year. In any case we got disconnected somehow and he called me back on my home number from where I called him. My wife at the time was putting the kids to bed and the phone rang with his number coming up on three caller I.D.s....nice. I ran around the house trying to clear them before she could see who called. This was to be a futile effort since my daughter, who was seven at the time and decided she was a big girl, had a phone and caller I.D. box in her room.

Now, one might think it would be no big deal to have a "friend" calling at 9:00 or 10:00 at night, but there was already some history there. A couple of months prior I was working in the yard when I looked up to see my wife marching down the driveway with some cell phone bills in one hand and a yellow highlighter in the other and I could tell she was moving with a purpose! I immediately knew what the subject of the conversation was going to be and started to panic. She shoved the cell phone bills in my face and wanted to know why I was calling this guy so much, especially on Christmas day. My only response was to tell her that we were just friends and I was telling him Merry Christmas as I would any friend. I could tell that did not satisfy her, but in a conversation like that, what would?

So now I had this phone call to deal with and I knew it was going to be trouble...or a resolution, I was not sure which at that moment. One thing I did know was that I was about to come clean about being gay.